Monday, March 23, 2009

Panda Rising

I have been in a fog for the last couple of weeks after finding out my 22 year old unmarried, and unemployed daughter, who is living with her boyfriend, is pregnant. Well we spent the day with a uHaul truck moving some of our older furniture to their empty apartment. The day went good and I came away thinking they might just make a go of it after all. The negative thoughts have been pressing on me for a while. But after we actually faced each other and talked, which I had not been ready to do, it wasn't as bad as I had built it to be.

Granted I'm still not happy with the way things are but I'm feeling like they are going to give a good effort, that's what had been worrying me. My daughter has had no ambition and no desire to better herself even though she had the opportunity for collage or vocational school after high school. Being a hard charger and I think a hard worker, her attitude was a source of constant conflict with her and I. Just getting her to take the trash out of her room was a battle.

Well the boy is working 2 jobs to try and support them and has a drive to succeed, even though he is from poor background he seems to have a good shot if the economy will cooperate a little bit. If they do get married I think I can bond with him, I would certainly help both of them.

After today I think I can start healing the depression I had sunk into. I had convinced myself that the world would stop turning, my world anyway. Amazing how you can build a hell with a couple of weeks of negative thinking. It will still be a rocky road but not nearly as bad as I had thought. So it's time to climb out of my hole and start finding the joy in living again.

I did have to cancel the Oct Disney trip since she is due on Oct 2nd and can deliver a week or two either side. That upset me to till I realized that was selfish and narrow minded thinking. There will be lots more trips to see the mouse.

Thank you for reading.

Happier Panda

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